


Top, Bottom, Power Bottom, or Switch?

by Bara_no_Uta



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Crack, Drunkenness, F/F, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-13
Packaged: 2018-06-08 03:07:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6836551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bara_no_Uta/pseuds/Bara_no_Uta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Have you ever wanted to fuck Regina?”<br/>            “…Go home, Emma, you’re drunk.”<br/>[Crackfic; based on a prompt seen on tumblr. Emma gets really drunk and decides to ask around to see if anyone can answer the question that’s on her mind…]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Top, Bottom, Power Bottom, or Switch?

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt is from http://rowark-sq.tumblr.com/post/135170617438/open-prompt-to-anyone-who-wants-it  
> "In light of the recent debate on here, I want a fic (where Emma and Regina are not a couple but obviously have secret feelings for each other), where Emma gets drunk and starts polling the people of Storybrooke as to whether they think Regina is a top, bottom, power bottom, or switch. Bonus points if one of the people she asks is Mary Margaret. Extra bonus points if MM doesn’t know that those terms mean and Emma has to drunkenly explain it to her, and MM is horrified."
> 
> Is this seriously going to be my first OUAT fic? lol I’ve got a couple actual (meaning non-crack) fics that I’d like to write at some point, but I saw this and I couldn’t help my amusement and wanting to write it. To tell the truth, I’ve been in the fandom for like a week, so I haven’t really seen this debate. (Neither am I caught up, but I figured it should be fine for a crack fic. I’ve set it at some random point before the Neverland arc, myself currently being in the Zelena arc.) But still, it was too funny to pass up and I didn’t see anyone else having written it yet.  
>  As for my opinion, I can see her not trusting most people enough to let them top, unless maybe if she was being a power bottom. But if she were to be with someone she trusted (*cough*Emma*cough*), I think she would prefer being bottom. I mean, she’s always in control of everything. I imagine she would find it kind of relieving to have a safe, brief space where she could let go of that and let someone else take charge of her.

            “Do you think Regina would be a top, bottom, power bottom, or switch?”

            “Miss Swan, why in God’s name would I possibly know that? Why are you even asking me?”

            Emma’s lower lip protruded in a pout. “Oh, come on, Rumpley—”

            “Do not call me that.”

            “—You’ve gotta’ve thought about it at least once.” She took another swig of her drink.

            “For your information, no, I have not.” He had been with Regina’s mother, for goodness’ sake. He knew for a fact he wasn’t Regina’s father, because she had come long after the two of them had parted ways, but he had never even looked at her sexually. “And I think you’ve had more than enough to drink.” _Way_ more, if she was so inebriated she was inclined to ask him something like that. He took the bottle from her. As for why she wanted to know in the first place, or rather, why she was thinking about it, he really didn’t want to know. Ever since finding out that Emma was the mother of his grandson, he had secretly thought of her a little bit like a daughter.

            “Ugh, boooooring!” Emma got up, stumbling and nearly tripping as she did so. “HEY, BELLE!” she shouted to the back of the shop.

            “Oh, come on—” Rumplestiltskin started, trying to interrupt, but of course Emma wasn’t coming to her senses anytime soon.

            Belle came over, having been far enough away not to have heard their conversation. One glance at Emma told her something was amiss, but it only took her a moment longer to realize that there was no reason to ask what. Alcohol. Emma was wasted. “Can I help you?”

            “Yes! Yes, you can! Maybe! Have you ever thought about having sex with Regina?”

            Rumple, though he kept a fairly straight face, was internally gaping at the bluntness of the question. Belle was more visibly surprised, but she gathered her composure fairly quickly. “No, I can’t say that I have.” She was about to inquire as to why Emma was asking when she thought better of it. In all honesty, she thought, she probably didn’t really want to know.

            “Damn. Okay, well, worth a try. Maybe another woman’d be a better opinion. Do you think she’d be a top, bottom, power bottom, or switch?”

            Belle could only blink at Emma in confusion. “A… what, now?”

            Rumple interrupted, putting a hand over Emma’s mouth. He would be more than happy to teach Belle later, but hearing it from a drunken Emma in this completely bizarre context was probably not the ideal way to explain. “Miss Swan, may I suggest you go home and attempt to sleep off the intoxication? You’re obviously going to wake up with a nasty hangover.” And possibly wouldn’t remember anything from tonight…

            Of course, Emma didn’t listen. She left the shop shortly after that, but only to head straight for Granny’s. “Heeeyyyyy, Ruby!”

            “Um… yes?” Ruby glanced around, wanting to make sure Granny wasn’t within earshot. She knew Emma tended to have a quite problematically loose tongue when she was drunk, which she obviously was. Wolf senses weren’t needed to smell it on her breath, to say the least.

            “Have you ever wanted to fuck Regina?”

            “…Go home, Emma, you’re drunk.”

            “That’s not a no.”

            Ruby sighed. “It’s not a yes, either. Why, exactly, are you asking me this?”

            “I wanna know, is she a top, bottom, power bottom, or switch? I mean, what’ddya think?”

            If she answered, would Emma go home? “I don’t know! But I can’t exactly imagine her, like, bottoming for anybody. –Not like I’ve ever given it any thought before.”

            “Suuure you haven’t.” Emma turned, and before Ruby could stop her, cupped her hands like a megaphone as she exclaimed, “I mean, really – who here hasn’t had a lesbian fantasy about Regina?!”

            Everyone looked at her, blinked, and then decided it was best not to engage in the subject. They went back to what they were doing before, except for Granny who raised her hand first.

            “See? EVERYBODY here wants to have sex with her.”

            Ruby couldn’t help smiling in amusement. “If that’s how you wanna interpret that…” She shook her head, trying to be serious. “Now really. Go home and get some sleep, and hope everybody else somehow forgets about this like you probably will.”

            “But wait, I gotta survey everyone! Find out if they think or know!”

            “…Alright, that’s it, I’m taking you home.”

            And so, Ruby managed to drag a reluctant Emma back to her shared apartment with her parents. It was definitely a good thing that Henry was sleeping over at Regina’s tonight.

            While Emma fiddled with her pocket, trying to summon the dexterity to get her keys, Ruby simply knocked. By the time Emma had managed to fish her keys out, Mary Margaret had already opened the door.

            Ruby pointed to Emma with her thumb. “So, uh, she’s totally wasted.” She considered warning her about Emma’s tendency toward loose lips when she was drunk, but decided against it. Maybe, just maybe Emma would have the sense to hold back on this Regina sex quest thing when she was talking to her own parents.

            “Thanks for bringing her home,” Mary Margaret said, offering her a smile before turning toward Emma with concern. “Emma, honey, come on. Let’s get you some water.” She helped her daughter into the house.

            Once Emma was safely inside, Ruby slipped out, closing the door behind her. She wanted to help Emma avoid embarrassing herself further, and the best way to do that was probably to avoid causing Emma to speak any more than she had to.

            Not that that would help Emma much, as it turned out. Mary Margaret had gotten her a glass of water, and the two of them sat down across from each other.

            Now probably wasn’t the best time to broach the subject, with Emma still totally drunk, but maybe that would help stop her from being so closed off. Help her actually open up. Because really, she was concerned about whatever had prompted her daughter to get this inebriated. “So… is there anything you’d like to talk about?” Little did she know what she was getting herself into with that question.

            “Why, yes! There is!” Emma exclaimed, setting down the glass of water with a loud thunk and causing some to spill over the sides. It was a lucky thing they were sturdy glasses…

            “Okay. You can tell me anything.” This was it – this was her chance to be a mother to Emma! To give her motherly advice!

            Emma put both her hands down on the table, leaning forward so heavily she nearly fell out of her chair. “Do you think Regina would be a top, a bottom, a power bottom, or a switch?”

            That was… really, really not what she expected. “Um… what?” Mary Margaret’s mental images: Regina as a spinning top, Regina as a derriere, she didn’t even know what, and Regina as a light switch. She may not have known what Emma actually meant, but she was quite positive that that was _not_ it. Maybe it was, uh… something about parenting styles? Henry?

            “A top, a bottom, a power bottom, or a switch,” Emma repeated.

            “I heard you, just… What do you mean by that?”

            “Ya know! If I fucked her, would she be on top of me, would I be on top of her, would I be on top of her but her bossing me around anyway, or would we trade off?”

            Her cheeks flushed bright pink in embarrassment. “Emma!” she chastised. It wasn’t really inappropriate for her nearly thirty year old to be thinking about sex, she knew, but it wasn’t really the type of conversation that seemed appropriate between a mother and daughter, either. Not to mention she really had never, ever wanted the mental image of her daughter and stepmother fu… having sex. She outright refused to think of it in the crude term Emma had used.

            “So what do you think?”

            “I think you’re very drunk and need to sleep it off!”

            “Oh, come onnnn. I’ve only gotten one response so far!”

            Mary Margaret wasn’t sure she even wanted to dare ask, but for Emma’s sake when she probably forgot all of this in the morning, she wanted to at least know what had happened. “Who else have you asked, exactly?”

            “Rumpley, Belllle, Rubyyyy…” She counted on her fingers. “Uhh, sort of everybody in Granny’s, except no, I only asked them if they’d ever had a lesbian fantasy about Regina, which all of them had… And then you!”

            She wasn’t far from wanting to cover her ears by this point. It was like horrible secondhand embarrassment for Emma, combined with not really wanting to hear these things out of her daughter’s mouth.

            “So what do you think?” she repeated again.

            Mary Margaret sighed. “I think I really don’t want to think about my daughter and my stepmother having sex. And that you really need to go to bed.”

            Emma giggled. “Too bad I can’t go to bed with Regina~ Then I’d really find out!”

            She put her hands over her face, giving up on salvaging this conversation. “Good night, Emma.” They were going to have a _horribly_ awkward conversation in the morning, weren’t they.

            At that, Emma stood up. “Good niiiiight.”

            As Mary Margaret wished she could forget the entire conversation herself, Emma got ready for bed. Right before she closed her eyes, however, an idea occurred to her. Who better to ask than Regina herself?! She pulled out her phone, new text…

「Hey Regina」

            A reply came surprisingly soon after. 「Miss Swan. I assume you have a good reason for texting me in the middle of the night?」

「Very important……….」 By this point, autocorrect was the only thing helping her words be, well, actual words, her clumsy fingers struggling with the touch keypad. Luckily, she had the sense to read over her texts before sending them, though unfortunately that didn’t help her verbal filter at all. 「R u a top bottom power bottom or switch」

「Those had better be typos, Sheriff.」

「Ooh "sheriff" r u into that」

「This definitely counts as sexual harassment. I could have you fired for this, you realize that, right?」

「But you won’t」

            There was a long pause before Regina replied back. 「Regardless. Dare I ask what prompted such an inappropriate and invasive question?」

「Everybody at Granny’s has lesbian fantasies about you」

「Are you drunk?」

「Yes」

「Go home and go to bed, Miss Swan.」

「I am would u like to join me ;)」

            Regina sighed. She wouldn’t be opposed, under normal circumstances, to sleeping with the blonde. Definitely not like this, though. Was she serious? How drunk _was_ she?? 「That is literally the worst sext I have ever had the misfortune of reading. Now I’m going to stop replying, you’re going to go to sleep, and we’re going to pretend this conversation never happened.」

            「But are you a top or a bottom or a power bottom or a switch」 「Regina please I’m dying to know」 「Regina」 「Baby come back u can blame it all on vodka」 「Seriously I just wanna know for the sake of all of us Storybrooke who want to have accuracy」

            Regina rolled her eyes, watching the texts come in every ten or so minutes. When Emma finally stopped texting her and hopefully went to sleep, Regina lightly tossed her phone across the room, trying to ignore the feeling stirring in her at the idea of Emma fantasizing about her in favor of the annoyance she felt about receiving such ridiculous drunken texts.

\---

            The next day, Emma woke with a killer hangover. She groaned. “Advil…” But when she sat up and tried to stand, a wave of nausea hit her. Nope, not a good idea.

            Luckily, Mary Margaret had been listening for when she woke up, water, Advil, and a banana ready, bread all ready to be toasted. She started the toaster and went up to Emma. “I imagine you’re a little hungover.”

            “Food? Really?” Emma asked, though she gratefully accepted the Advil.

            “It’ll help settle your stomach if you put something on it.” Heh, finally some motherly advice. Sort of.

            Several minutes later, when Emma didn’t feel so nauseous, she spoke up. “I’m probably glad I don’t remember – usually am – but, uh… any idea what I did last night?” She was honestly kind of relieved to see she had at least woken up in her own bed…

            “Ohhhh boy, Emma, are you sure?”

            Emma covered her face for a second, preparing herself for the worst. “Oh my god, what did I do?”

            Oh, no. She wanted to understate it, but Mary Margaret was truthful to a fault. “You might have, uh, you know. …Gone around asking everybody invasive questions about their opinions on Regina’s sex life?”

            “I did what?!”

            “Uhhhhm, well, your exact words to me were…” An embarrassed flush came to her face at having to repeat the words, but she forced herself to do it anyway, for Emma’s sake. She should at least know what she had been saying to everyone. “‘Do you think Regina is a top, a bottom, a power bottom, or a switch?’” She decided to skip adding that Emma had had to explain them to her…

            “Oh my god. Who else did I ask?!”

            “…Are you sure you want to know?”

            This was awful. Why, oh why had she let herself drink so much?! She really didn’t _want_ to know, but it was more like she needed to know so she knew who to avoid eye contact with for a little while. “Tell me.”

            “Rumplestiltskin, Belle, Ruby, me… and apparently you asked everybody in Granny’s if they had ever had, um, a ‘lesbian fantasy’ about Regina?”

            She covered her face again. “You’ve gotta be kidding me… I’m never going to live this down. At least I didn’t say anything to Regina, right?”

            “Not as far as I know.”

            “Good. Now I’ve just gotta hope no one says anything to her…” She frowned, something sparking in the back of her mind. It was a strange hunch, but she had to make sure it was just a random fear. “Shit. Where’s my phone?” She looked around, eventually locating it beside her bed, dropped carelessly on the floor. And then, Emma re-read her text exchange with Regina from the previous night and groaned. “Shit. That was NOT how I imagined that conversation going.”


End file.
